In God's Perfect Time

I am often asked why I am still single. I got acquainted to that question for years now, and the funny thing is until now, I don’t know how to answer. I actually have something in mind every time they asked me why- as simple as no one is courting me; as I am not that pretty to be noticed; or I am just one of those ugly ducklings who will wait too long before it turns to a beautiful swan. Funny or weird as it may sound, but this is true, those are some of the numerous answers I had in mind.

Well then, I am not ashamed to tell that I am an NBSB (No-Boyfriend-Since-Birth). For the last 24 years of my life I only have my friends and family with me. I never had anyone to call special someone. I never had anyone to be clingy with. What makes my heart beats fast are the lead characters in my favorite Korean series. Other than that, none in real life turns out to be my Mr. Right.


 



For me, slight shivers and minor electric shocks are feelings meant and reserved just for my elementary and high school crushes. You got heart chills, it makes you smile, it makes you inspired to go to school, and it makes you excited to work on a school project. But that’s all it serves. None of them even got serious. Eventually, the feelings always fade. Believe it or not, for me I always end up realizing that it will forever be a “one-sided” crush towards that person and that admiration cannot be returned back to me. Well, fact accepted. I have always been part of the “ordinary school girls” club. Other than me being an honor student, I am no more than that.




So that’s how it is all throughout my school days. I get used to it. They have boyfriends, they have suitors; they have love life. They celebrate valentine's day; they receive flowers and chocolates and all other sweet nothings. And I don’t have that. But I never get affected. It was both by choice and chance and God’s will that I am not labeled “taken” for years. For me, it makes no sense if I am still single. 

Other than spending my time figuring out why, I always tell myself that my neurons and brain cells should be reserved in studying. Schooling, for me is not a luxury- without my scholarship, it will even be harder for my family to send all of us to school. This was my priority, all else was secondary. In addition to that, I am also acquainted with the real things: (1)I looked so lousy and less-stylish than the others; (2) I wear thick eyeglasses that I looked old, (3)I am small and petite, and all other ugly stuff. Other than my will, a bit of brain and confidence, that’s all I’ve got. And I walked straight from there till I finished my accountancy degree and got my professional license. With all these, I had in mind the woman I wanted to be. I am a "career woman". Love life is secondary. If it comes, it comes.

I would be lying to myself if I’d say never did I felt sad thinking about being single for the longest time. In life, it comes. Sometimes, you wish you meet that man who will make you feel special and loved; and you got to wonder what taking him so long that he's not showing up yet (haha).

Well, maybe because it's hard to find the man I was looking for.












That man, who'll patiently love the craziness in me. That man who'll see the good and bad in me but will choose to love the both. I just want a man who is willing to spend his time laughing with me just about anything. A man that will walk me home even under the rainy nights. Someone to whom you can sing the craziest songs for. That man who will give you his jacket when you're cold; who will hold your hand tight whenever he gets the chance to. That man who will caress your hair and hug you tight when he missed you.

That man who can tolerate you when you can't stop talking about how bad your day in work turned out to be. I want that man who says I'm sorry after every petty fights even if it's not his fault. That man who doesn't mind being crazy just to make you laugh because he thinks you are at your prettiest when you laugh. That man who may fail to call or text you for days when he's busy, but will make it up to you through surprise visits and late night dates. That man who lets you be yourself, give you the freedom to do anything you want to do and supports you all the way. That man who thinks that other girls are prettier than you, but still believes that you are more wonderful than all of them.

That man who knows when to give you your personal space and time. That man who wouldn't want to be with you every single day, but will give you a surprise call just to remind you that he loves you. That man who will always be proud of you. That man who cheers for you. That man who tries his best to get along with your friends. That man who brings out the best in me. That man who keeps a wacky picture of you together in his phone. That man who treats your family like his. That man who is sometimes jealous and is not afraid to admit that he is. That man who thinks saying "I love you" is cheesy but says it anyway. That man who tries to be a better man for you. All I want is a man who will always make me feel I'm worth it.

And I haven't met that man yet.



It's been a very long wait. But I am taking my time; or the best way to say it, I am taking God's time. And while I patiently hang around while He is writing my love story and finding my right man, I am bound to loving myself even more. I have no worries in my heart. All I need to do is start savoring every moment. 

I am making the most of life. No matter what you say, I am not afraid of the years that it may take, for I have always believed in God's perfect time and plan. If it's meant to be, Love will surely find its way to me. I may never have a romantic relationship, but one thing is for sure, I have always been loved. =)